I want one of those big, old maple trees in the yard. One that burns with those fiery orange leaves in the fall. No wait, a red maple. Wait, both.
I want a large deck with two levels that goes down to a large patio area. Out in the yard past the patio there’s a garden. One that I’m sure is only a good idea in theory.
The house is hardy siding without question. Maybe an interesting blue shade with chocolate, modern shudders. Or maybe a cool green with black shudders. The architecture is a mix of square and oriental funky lines with a mix of traditional. An amazing front door with character and barely any window in it, if at all.
The inside is 5 bedrooms, mostly hardwood floors. That’s a room for me and Lance, 4 kids, plus a guest room for company or maybe foster kids one day?
There is a live-in basement and also an apartment over the garage so that we can have family stay with us for long periods of time, if ever needed. Our church college kids could live there for free during the semesters or families who are poor and displaced.
Stainless steel appliances. Not a huge, huge house…maybe 3500 square feet or so. That’s a good size for all those bedrooms.
I have this house in my mind. I think about it probably too much. I guess an artist dreams of the perfect image to paint and I love to decorate so I think of the perfect home to accent. I’m a homebody, sentimental type too so I want a place to make cozy and welcoming for everybody. I dream of this house and settling down there for the rest of my life. Lance pastors the church. I stay-at-home and there’s nothing left to worry about.
Oh. I forgot one other major detail. There are two cars in the garage that are nice and well-kept so there’s no stress of worrying about having to come by another one in the near future.
That’s what security seems like to me: a nice home to settle in and enough money for cars to last me a lifetime. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about provision. I wouldn’t have to trust. Or have faith. Or learn to be content. Or depend on God to take care of me.
I guess a lot of people read that and think that having those things sounds nice. It’s the American dream. I guess that’s me too, but I’m not comfortable with that being what I need and long for. Material things? Really? That’s what is going to make me feel secure and complete? I’m not saying that it’s wrong to have cars to your name or a nice home but I am saying your heart behind it can be wrong. I think all my life I’ve been trying to fix things so I don’t have the discomfort of needing to have faith and depend on the Lord, both things of which I believe are not only essential but intended for us.
There are two kinds of church go-ers. The regulars and the major holiday-ers. Holiday-ers many times have some things in common with the regulars. They know the major stories. The Noah’s Ark scene in the nursery is a familiar scene. John 3:16 written on the church wall was a verse they learned in vacation bible school years ago. Some things from the faith become something that a lot of the population is generally aware of. Those just to name a few.
What about Psalm 23? I feel like some people who aren’t practicing a faith may know this one as well. It goes like this:
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters
He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies;
you anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
all the days of my life,
and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
When you read the bible without knowing context, there is a lot to be missed. These verses never quite hit me as much until I heard someone describing a shepherd. A shepherd, leads his sheep where they should go, including to the pastures where they would eat. He directs them and cares for them. So Jesus, the sheperd, leads us where we should go. Takes care of us. Watches over us.
Another element I missed is about the sheep themselves. When a sheep is full, it lies down. The verse says, “He leads me to lie down in green pastures.” Admist the perfect green around them, which would be optimal grazing, they instead lay down. Content. Full.
Now it all seems different doesn’t it? It’s very different for me. All of a sudden, the house I detailed doesn’t seem so much like a reward but a symptom of the fact that I’m always looking for somewhere else to graze. No pasture is too green. I know my heart can change about seeking security in things that, in fact, aren’t secure. I really do desire a space that can accommodate having others and even families coming to live with us. I would love for that provision but right now, for how I long for those things right at this moment, I’m not sure having it would be a blessing or a sentence. If I were to be given all of that today, I wouldn’t know if it were a blessing from the Lord or trial He gave me to face in dealing with where my trust is. It’s true that parent’s sometimes let their kids gorge themselves on candy to show them that their desires to over indulge are actually detrimental. How much more so would God as a loving father at times, give us what we wrongly desire to show us that it was, in fact, wrong for us? I think He blesses many with gifts like what I talked about in the beginning with the big, deck and the hypothetical garden, but some of us want it because we don’t want to have to trust Him in lieu of those things.
Today…that’s me.
I want to say that he leadeth me to lie down in hardy siding homes and multi-tiered decks. I can’t tell you that I want to lay down in the face of those things as I type this tonight. Even more ashamedly, I have a nice, modest, cutely decorated home we picked out every detail for while it was being built. And oh yeah, two cars parked outside and some savings to buy the next one when one car dies. Embarrassingly, I even have stainless steel, hardwood, and tile baths. I’m just like the kid gorging on candy. One Snickers is nice, but then again, I could have a Butterfinger, a Reese’s cup, Peppermint Patti, and on and on and at the end of it….I’d just be sick.
My yard is a great size and my backyard is full of trees. Great big trees. It’s my green, wonderfully provided pasture. I just want to remember how to lay in it. Without the shade of maples.
