It hit me that in 12 weeks Eden will be one. Really? How is that possible? People always tell you that time will fly but it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. What happened to time? I’ve had years of my life go faster than others but this is so fast that it’s disorienting. I have NO CLUE where time went. More than that, I don’t know what makes time so different now. Is it because I love her so much and enjoy being her mom so much that is zooms by? Is it because she is always changing so much that I can’t stay on top of how much time is passing? Is it because I don’t have a job-job anymore so I don’t look at dates so time just gets away from me? I don’t know what is happening.
My mom and I talked a lot about it this morning. She says it’s because I’ve never been so invested in something before as you do when you’re a mom. She says it’s because you are savoring every moment. She’s right. Every day I can’t believe who she is and who she is becoming. A week in baby time, definitely two weeks, makes all the difference in baby world. If a skill isn’t mastered in one week, the following week will have major improvements. One week they are learning to sit up and then a few months later your daughter is sitting on the table in her Bumbo mimicking you telling her no and she’s trying to say it! Who is this wonder, genius baby?
I think sometimes about how much I love her and how she won’t remember these precious times we spent together and it makes me sad. I feel like these days won’t matter as much to her as they did to me. I just want her to know how much I loved her, spent time with her, did anything to make her laugh, anything to makes things special for her and I know some day she will….. when she’s a parent.
You really can’t explain a parent’s love. You can’t understand it until you’ve looked at your child and you cherish even the sticky up hair on her head so much that you feel sad when it starts to lay flat. Where is my little fuzzy headed baby going one week at a time? It bittersweetly breaks my heart to see this tiny, rolly polly baby waving spoons above her head on the floor to look at her and I think, “I love you so much and one day, I’ll never see this baby again.” It may sound dramatic but something about knowing almost a year has passed without me even knowing it has made me so sad to think/feel these things. And when I say I’ll never see this baby again, I’m not talking about some exaggeration about when she leaves home. I’m being literal in that one day she will be 5 and I will never have this baby back. It’s the most quickly fleeting joy to have her as a baby. I’m gonna miss this little person one day.
Here I am talking like this and she doesn’t even talk or walk yet. I hear ya. I guess seeing how these first 8 or so months have vanished makes me certain that those next milestones will come and go before I know it. Well, hopefully they won’t ‘go’ because I kind of dream of her being able to walk and talk her whole life.
In the stage I’m in now, it is so hard to look forward and see it all clearly. As stupid as I always thought it sounded when other people said it, and as much as it pains me to say out loud, I’m having a hard time seeing how I could love another child as much as Eden. Sounds sooooooo dumb. I’m having a difficult time conceiving a lot of things about parenting and that, hypocritically, is one of them.
I read this quote on a new mom’s facebook page yesterday.
“A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, your bankroll smaller, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for.”
Not only is Eden worth living for but she makes me feel like I just started to really live. I am honored to be her mother and I love who she is every day. I’m just sad you lose them little by little in the process.
U just increased my baby fever by like 100 million. That makes you stupid. The end.
What a pumpkin pie. I wish I could say “I know how you feel” but I am sure I will one day. I can conceive of how you feel though, it’s a balancing act…and surely a lesson in “being in the moment.” It’s the biggest paradox of the whole world. You want her to stay just as she is but you want her to become the beautiful human she is meant to be. You could really spend all day talking about something like this…. I want babies.
I could not agree more with this post! In a way it seems like Easton has been with me forever, maybe its because I cant imagine life without him but on the other hand I feel like it was only yesterday we were bringing our sweet boy home. Enjoy these moments with Eden, I wish I were able to spend more of my time with E, soak up the moments, the laughs the smiles and even the crys, because as you said one day they are gonna be grabbing money off the counter and hanging with their friends… and us moms are not gonna be as cool as we are today
I swear I write this very same post…often. If not about one child, then about the other. My son is 1 now. ONE!! How did that even happen? My daughter will be 3 in June. THREE!! Ack!
I’ve also posted about thinking I could never love a child like I love my first. Then I had another one & I love him nothing like I love my first, but at the same time I love him JUST as much! It’s weird, but when it happens, it all makes sense, just like all those thing people tell you before you have any kids. They seem trite & you’re like, “yeah, yeah”…then you have a child and it just all makes sense.
There’s so much great stuff yet to come, but I know where you’re coming from…I’m right there with you!
that’s the sweetest post.
This is just all part of God’s wonderful plan to make you want more babies!
I feel the same way about both my boys. Time is flying by and always will unfortunately. It won’t get slower as they get older I don’t think. It teaches us to savour each moment and every day. I love both my boys so much I cannot even fathom not having them. The love is different for each of them though and hard to even wrap my mind around. I didn’t think I could love another like Haddon, but Hudson melts my heart just as much. This year has shown me so much about how fast they grow because I’ve had two to watch change so much. Haddon will turn 4 this year and I CANNOT BELIEVE that! He is getting so tall and just doing and saying so many big kid things! Hudson is growing and changing just like every baby does at a furious speed. What I am learning is just to soak it all up and invest everything I can into them because we will only have them at home for a short time! So sad, but so true and by the time they get there we will be proud and ready in a way I think, I hope anyways! Such a blessing to be a parent isn’t it?! Such a Gift!